i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
