im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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