did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
