I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i will never coherently bang her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
