YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
