After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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