where am i from again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
