she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
