My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
