sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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