You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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