i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize