I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
