OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
