I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
