we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
