I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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