My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize