Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
