Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
