He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
