The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
