Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
