My cat gives me a boner
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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