can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
