I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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