What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize