erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
