Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
