It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
