i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
