Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
