I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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