I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
