Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
