btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
