just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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