Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
