Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
