Don't make out with my wife yet
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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