im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
