Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
