I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
