These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
