just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
