I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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