I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
