Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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