I just cut my nipple shaving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize