It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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