you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
