the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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