I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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