Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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