When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Couch. On fire.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
