My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
