that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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