What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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