I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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