he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
