The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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