I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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