It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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