Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
