remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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