is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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