he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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