apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
